I’ll be the first to tell you I’m super anxious and shy in public.  I don’t go up to others easily and I don’t speak my feelings well.  Heck I hide them for a sense of self preservation.  Compliments are something I tend to shy away from.  I have to bite my tongue to just say “Thank you” without the “but.” 

 

But….I’ve been working on it.  It’s like a brand new day.

(source: Carrie D Photography)

I have been sharing, been open to sharing at times, and talking to people instead of allowing them to do all the talking.  I’ve been writing and digging apart what’s wrapped up in my mind.  I’ve been talking with others who share my situation or at least understand.  I expressed to my counselor the work I really need to do on me to be happy instead of pretending.

 

I’m not saying it’s easy.  In fact it feels darn near impossible some days.  I feel like I’m complaining half the time when “I can handle it.”  But handling it isn’t working to well.  The pain now will be worth it instead of a hug crash or feeling horrible about myself when I actually take time to think.

I’m working on me, it may be messy…heck it will be messy.  But each day the sun will rise and I am choosing to work on being a better me…I’m working on it.

If you haven’t seen it I created my New 101 in 1001 list.  I love the Day Zero Project and it was fun creating a new list when I knew my old list was coming to a close. 
I’d slowly been putting things down and now I’m happy to begin this new adventure.  I even can include some friends in the project.

Last Week’s Goals

• Day OFF!  Does it count if I tried?  I was 90% successful but then was a nice wife and helped out Hunni with some work.  However I did have lunch with some fantastic new friends, go shopping (but no buying) and SLEEP.
• Major medical check.  Well that was an ordeal.  I love my new doctor because she’s about prevention and with my history I need about 10 pounds of prevention instead of an ounce.  But she was behind and ordered a bunch of tests because I’m new.  Lots and lots and lots to do.  Now I’m glad I can move forward with her.
• Sweater shopping.  I found some cute ideas at the mall and online.  And then a friend turned me onto Etsy.  Now I want everything from there.  Not exactly in my budget so I’m having to think and narrow it down.  And I need pants.  I guess my 2 pairs of pants and some skirts won’t work all winter.
• Start the budget.  Well we didn’t break the budget…work expenses did.  We’ll be reimbursed but it’s not fun to be off from the start.  It’s working in theory though.  Hoping to practice soon. 
• Join the gym.  Not yet…I’ll explain why later. 
• Menus & Groceries.  Uh…remember that work crap? Yep it interfered with this too.  Good news: We didn’t go over budget on groceries.  Bad new: I am tire of eggs and cereal.  I’m not in college any more.

This Week’s Goals

• Enjoy beautiful work.  Strange to say, yes.  But this week I am traveling and will see how gorgeous God’s land is in the fall.  Also I’ll be with some great friends and co-workers at a special conference I’ve wanted to attend for years.  Finally it will be able to enjoy this blessing.
• Update my calendar.  So many things have been thrown at me for work and fun…but I forget to add them to my calendar quickly.  I am updating the calendar to ensure I don’t miss a thing.  My OCD brain is freaking out without a plan.
• Plan several at home workouts.  My nights are crazy right now…and as said above I don’t have a gym membership right now.  I need workouts planned or I’ll just skip them “because I’m tired.”  If they are planned out I can do them in front of the TV instead of vegging on the couch.
• Party with friends.  Or make new friends.  One friend I’ve made locally has invited me to a party this Friday and I’m making the effort to go.  I’ll be tired but I know it’s super important to make it so I am social instead of only Ms. Workaholic.
• Journal time.  Traveling means skipping therapy since I’ll be out of town.  Instead my counselor gave me something to work on my own.  I have my journal packed already.
• YouTube video.  I am ready to record again.  I have some footage and want to finish recording so I can edit a video this coming weekend.  I miss the fun of it.