When attending a fitness conference you want to try everything. Heck blog reading or looking at the gym schedule peaks my desire to do and be everything. Fitbloggin’ 12 was just one more reason to do it all.

Last year I missed the fit part of Fitbloggin’ with an ankle injury a month before in a Zumba class a week prior, ha. I watched through the doors while everyone shimmied, lifted & kicked. Not this year. I was excited and terrified at the possibility of so many workouts and actually participating.

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In talking with Annalies, Shauna and several others I had to push aside my need to do all the workouts and workout for me…and at my level.

If you are new on this roller coaster I call IT ALL CHANGES, I have the back of a 70 year old. Surgery about 4 years ago fixed a good bit of it but I was stubborn and ran when I shouldn’t and overall petulant guarantees more surgery in the next 10 years. So while I look fairly decent, strong and capable – or at least that’s what I tell myself – my old lady body limits my activity. I want to do so much more than she’ll let me.

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The idea of being limited physically often ticks me off and let’s me down so I try to replace the word limited with modification. This mindset is challenging as heck for competitive me. Fitbloggin’s workout schedule was going to challenge this 4 times over, away from my home gym, surrounded by people I cared about. This felt like a recipe for disaster.

(source: Carrie D Photography)

Crossfit was up first and also the hardest to employ my modification mentality. Air squats I can do for days. Lots of physical therapy for injury = lots of deep squats for functional mobility. Everything other exercise felt impossible. Sit-ups don’t work with a fused lumbar spine so I did standing crunches but it felt like cheating. (Though my abdominals didn’t thinks so.) Burpees are too jarring with the fast up and down movement. I actually kicked myself quite hard in the leg try to do one… perfect reminder to do no more. Instead I alternated modified mountain climbers and straight jumps. I was sweating just as much as anyone else. And my awesome partner Michelle encouraged me though all the modifications. Yet I was defeated for not doing it correctly. I was not a crossfitter that day and felt like an imposter.

Cathe Friedrich’s workout was one I’d waited for since last year. I own several of her DVD’s at home and use the regularly. Last year I watched her entire class because I love how different her workouts can be. I even introduced myself before we began.

But then my anxiety spiked. At home I modify her moves when my body can’t do something – but I had something to prove. I don’t know to whom, but I was terrified. The early parts were okay and I could go along. I love the discs and bands and all the equipment. They are regular part of my home gym and so happy to use them and learn some new moves. So proud of how easy the lunges were even after air squats… And then she said “floor work.” At home I have a foam mat to protect my back doing floor work but I couldn’t pack it. I knew I couldn’t even attempt the exercises without pain and risking injury but didn’t want to quit. So I got up to step out. I was embarrassed, taking my water bottle like I needed to fill it…and stood guiltily around the corner. I wanted to participate but I was mad at my failure of a body. I felt like a quitter during an amazing workout with one of the instructors I love.

The Jump Sport Fitness trampoline class was much easier to modify. I didn’t even plan on taking the class due to previous injuries. But after talking to Rachel, the most amazing rep ever, she told me about he injury history and how she can still do the workouts and modify them. She was right and even more so the trainer and demonstrators provided several levels of difficulty and supported all of us. I’m budgeting to buy one for our great white north winters. So much fun and if only I could have Trainer Jeff be that hilarious and enthusiastic to entertain train me. I’m still trying to figure out what half of the stuff he said making me laugh and having to work not to fall off the trampoline. I enjoyed myself but was mad I couldn’t complete as much as the girl next to me. I don’t know her history but my mind rebooted to the failure button despite how amazing the workout felt. I had to talk myself into liking how hard I’d worked instead of being mad I didn’t push harder. I was beating myself up for a good workout even though I’d paced myself at my own level.

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And my beloved Zumba. Sue & Sam were sexy and engaging and entertaining and made everyone enjoy sweating… even the amazing men [VIDEO]. This was my arena. I danced like the Zumba loving fool I am and still owe some deconstructed shirts to new Zumba friends. This was the most amazing love filled experience where I truly felt at home. I know how to Zumba and still felt pushed. I felt sexy and powerful and wonderfully loved. I pushed myself hard in the class because I know the basic salsa, merengue, cumbia and other steps. I was proud but didn’t want to be a show off. I beat myself up for not standing further back so others could enjoy the front.

Even with my modify, modify, modify motto I was soooo sore Sunday – and well onto Tuesday. I’m not super fit and my body won’t allow me to do it all, but I wanted to try. I beat myself up both literally – with my Crossfit bruise – and figuratively by feeling incapable…but I did it. I need to work on not being the punching bag now for lacking but that will take time.

I did it!

Now own it , Cynthia.